Where are we going?

Yes, I know I should be working right now but what can I do? I just cant. It's been a long time since the last time that I felt the need or urge to write something. I kinda felt that why the hell am I writing when no one is reading... but then again, this somehow makes me feel better and makes me feel that everything's gonna be okay. Often times, I ask God for guidance and enlightenment but when I get to the point that I know he is giving me a sign, I try to deny and question it. You might be confused about what I am talking about? Well, I an a very complicated human being. At this point in my life, I want to achieve a lot of things and with the looks of it, I have not really achieved something. I am blessed I know... Many people would do everything to get where I am today.. or maybe not. Anyway, It's been years since the last time I had a self fulfillment and I was truly happy about something that I have done. The past 2 years have been the most difficult years in my life. I struggled and made a lot of bad decisions. Until now, I still don't know if I am making the right decision with the things that I want to do. When I look back, maybe there's not such thing as a right decision.. maybe it's just a good or bad decision. Everything has consequences and whatever decision we make, we make an impact... It can be a good or a bad thing depending on how people reacts to it. It's a matter of making a choice and looking at the impact if it was a good or a bad thing. I have tried so hard to make myself think that I am okay.  I couldn't just find that inner peace, happiness and contentment that I am looking for... maybe I am just asking for too much. I always pray to God to keep me in the right path and help me with whatever I am going through... but if your going to ask me what am I going through, I can't tell you because I honestly don't know... I don't know how to figure this out and I need help. I miss my friends and I just cant seem to find them nowadays. Everyone is busy with something and I don't want to give them the burden of listening to me and I don't even know what I want and what my problem is or I am afraid of seeing the look in their face when they judge me because of who I am and how i look at things how I am never happy about my life... but really sometimes what we just really need is someone to listen and not judge us and make us feel guilty about how we feel... Sometimes that's all it takes. Oh well.. this ain't going nowhere.. I guess I need to figure this out myself first and will take it from there. till next time. XOXO